He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Send help, water and tortillas.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
