after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
