Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
