We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
