I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
