shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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