drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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