I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
