I'm jealous of your bromance
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
