i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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