my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
