This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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