I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
