You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
