The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think I am morally bankrupt
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
