I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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