i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
no you cant smoke seaweed
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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