Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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