I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
