Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
