So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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