Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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