I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
