laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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