weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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