So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
