if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
