from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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