I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
