Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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