Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
