you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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