if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Someone came in the potted fern
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize