we made out on top of his cat.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
