If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
