So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
