who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
