Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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