I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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