I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
