Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You're earring is so big in my mouth
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
