Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
