She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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