So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
