Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
