I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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