somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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