The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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