When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize