I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
