My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
