In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
