What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I stole a fireplace last night.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
