Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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