he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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