He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The best revenge is premature balding
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
