...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
