No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
