I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
