I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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