he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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