I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
