I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
