i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
my poor anus
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
