Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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