this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
