We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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