ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
