I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
