Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
