So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This baby is an asshole
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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