Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
