pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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