You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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